I was recently published in Mankato, Minnesota’s Kid-oh Magazine in the “how do you do it” article. In case you didn’t get to read the article, here is what I shared:

Walking out of the grocery store today I noticed my minivan had a flat tire. As frustrating as it could have been, I asked a fireman who was walking by to help. Between his kindness and the gas station clerk nearby, I was able to get to a local tire shop and get it fixed.  Not one time did I use my cell phone to call for help, because I can’t.

My husband and I decided to go cell phone free sometime in 2013. Initially we dropped the two cell plans to save money and get out of debt. Now five years into the disconnect, It’s hard to foresee us ever owning cell phones again. Crazy, right?

We get asked all the time, by wide eyed strangers, “Wait, what, so how do you do it? Live life without a smart cell phone?” I reassure them it can be done. It was only a couple decades ago that everyone did.

Organization and communication is key. As a mom of three kids and a small business owner, I am always checking calendars and timelines to remind everyone where they need to be. Throughout the day my husband and I check in with each other on google chat or by using our landline phone. My close friends know they can use messenger to reach me on my computer most times of the day. Living cell phone free has greatly improved our communication skills. We leave hand written notes, put important things on a dry erase board and email big to do’s to our spouse.

What has been a fun change is the ability to adjust to any situation. When I used to have a cell phone, I found myself asking for help all the time. I would call my parents, my spouse or my bff for silly little things. I would text people a random thought about which item on sale I should purchase. Now I make more decisions on my own, and save big questions for when I have the chance to talk to my family face to face.

What I love most about not carrying a device with me, is the freedom I get in the disconnect. When I am hanging out with friends we are able to focus on our conversations and not the dinging of my phone. When my family goes out to eat, we play games like I spy or tic-tac-toe while waiting for our food.  And while waiting in line anywhere, I strike up a conversation with a stranger and enjoy the fellowship of another person. I love the ability to focus on the present moment and not the interruptions of a device.

One of the challenges is the world’s assumption that everyone everywhere has a cell phone. There are only 6% of us in the nation that do not. (I can’t help but wonder what that nationwide bill looks like)  At least twice a day someone tells me “Just text me when you get here, or text me the photo, or send me the address to my phone, or if you get lost on your way just text me”. I usually just nod and smile rather then explain why I can’t.

The biggest struggle for me is traveling alone without the cell phone. It is probably the only time I wish I still owned the security blanket of one. Instead I make sure my van is in running order, plan a safe well traveled route, pray for great weather and carry important phone numbers with me at all time.  I trust that if I were to need a good samaritan someday, one will show up to lend me a hand.

Despite many people telling me there is no way they could live without a cell phone plan, I want to assure them that they can. Try a day or go a weekend without it. Start small and you may be surprised how great it feels to be completely disconnected. I know we all have busy lives full of places to be and things to see. I know there are many apps that claim to make our lives easier and less stressful, but I’ve never used any of them. Instead I buy post-it’s in bulk and write letters as often as I can.  Living cell phone free has changed our family’s life and there’s no app for that.

Maybe it was because I was driving and thinking of too many things, but I couldn’t for a minute remember how many years it had been. For the first year I could tell you, down to the minute, how long it’s been since my mother had passed. Then suddenly I had a blank moment on main street.

So right there on a major road I pulled over the mini van into a parking lot and got angry that I couldn’t remember the year my mom had passed away. Was is three years? four years? How could I be here? How can I not remember?

How can I FORGET?

I don’t know exactly where I am in the stages of grief, but I know I don’t want to be in the stage of forgetting.

So I sat on the roadside alone in my Honda Oddessy thinking about how my mom never even seen this van, or it filled with three car seats. How she has missed so much, a birth, many birthdays, hugs, games, laughter, campfires, emails, photos, phone calls….four years has gone so fast. How could I forget that timeline. Why could I not remember that year?

I’ve spent a lot of time since my mom passed away rearranging my memories. I know how much she didn’t like sadness or for people to see her in pain. Its not how she would want to be remembered. So I’ve spent a lot of time, trying to remember less of the hurt and more of the Joy

I am sad that I didn’t spend her last Thanksgiving with her, somethings I know I won’t forgive myself for. Each Thanksgiving I remember. After you loose someone it easy to go to the place of would of, could of’s, should of Those thoughts come heavily with grief.

What doesn’t come easily is finding those new moments of New Joy, or living Joy. I think we all struggle with the guilt that new happiness can bring. Its not that we are forgetting our loved ones that have passed. It’s that we are honoring their memory by living our life with joy.

I’ve concluded I’ll probably forget it again, December 10, 2014, but there’s so much I long to remember. Lotto tickets, Well done bacon cheese burgers, card games, lawn jarts, pepsi, holiday de-lights, birthday parties, her love to sing while cleaning the house, sweatshirts and jeans, painting, her laugh, her humor, her strong willed-ness, her passion for party planning, her love for her kids, and her grandchildren, her happy marriage, her always warm and welcoming home.

So now when I am driving in my mini van, I am not sad if I have forgotten her death. What really brings me joy is that I remember her life.