The ugly list

I love lists. I enjoy the feeling of crossing things off & getting stuff done, feeling accomplished.

Most of my lists are simply what I need to do as soon as possible. Tonight, on the eve of my thirty-fifth year,  I began making a metal list of year 34. It wasn’t pretty, in fact, It was pretty ugly.

mother’s death. lost family cat. relative drug overdose. car accident. lost car keys. grandmother’s death. less snap shots. cancer. family drama. no late night phone calls. parental challenges. physical pain for me & spouse. debt & more debt.favz0078

I noticed that list had nothing to do with feeling accomplished, not one of them were things I actually wanted done, none of them felt right crossing off


Its what makes a year a year. its what makes a life a life. and it’s what makes a person strong(er). The ugly list.  It’s not going anywhere. That list is part of me.


It’s time to exhale. Its been a year of waiting for…something, trying to fill my hours with hustle & bustle & never fully letting myself simply exhale, but always working on my to do list, holding my breath for the next. big. moment.

a moment of joy. There was a pretty list this year too.

new niece. celebrations of life. camping party. kids accomplishments. weight loss. concerts. vacations. loving husband. reading. writing. beautiful business. supportive community. love and outpouring of friends. giggles. games. new friendships. lots & lots of miles moved.favz0075


some of the best advice my daughter ever shared with me “Yes, Mom, perseverance, when you keep trying even after your mommy dies”

cheers to 35. no matter how ugly this list will be.